Yesterday I was having a bad day at work. That wasn’t different from many other days, as a Nurse, we have a lot of bad days at work and since COVID came along we’re having more. But yesterday the stress finally kicked in and it was pretty much the same stressors I have had for a long time. Only this time when it happened, it became that thing that happened, the one that is ” the straw that breaks the camels back”.
And so it happened.
Now as most people who know me and the bloggers who have been following me for a while, know I’m pretty much one strong and tuff cookie.
But yesterday my superhuman wings got clipped and I started getting chest pain. It soon traveled to my back and down my left arm. Soon after I had tingling in my fingers, my legs felt weak and I felt sick to my stomach.
So I did the nursing thing right away and checked my blood pressure, it was higher than normal, but still in the normal range. It meant one thing and I knew what it was. Stress.
I hadn’t had that experience in seven years and the last time I did is when I knew it was time to quit my job and move on.
Now being the stubborn person that I am, I was going to try and finish the day. I called my doctor and left him a message to call me back and went out for a smoke.
By the way, as a Nurse, I would not recommend having a smoke when you are having chest pain. But anyways I did.
I joined a few other staff members who were out smoking too, who took one look at me and said, what is wrong? I explained what was happening and they said you need to go home.
Now here are the funny parts, the staff that told me to go home were not the Nurses, they worked in other departments, but worked with me. And the next funny part, they had to tell me how to go home sick as in my career, I have never left work sick.
And so I left work and soon received the call from the Doctor who was not happy that I was unwell. After a short conversation with him, he knew exactly what was going on with me and ordered me to stay home and rest.
He told me it would last for a period of time and it still is, but not like when it first came on, wrote me a prescription, and put me off work.
He also gave me another Doctor’s order. Slow down.
It’s hard to argue with the man who watches over me and he is right. We have been busy at the Love Shack. We have had company almost every weekend since the COVID started lifting. I have been working full time and haven’t had more than a few days off since the last time I was granted vacation time in February 2019. And the Wedding Season came back but at full speed.
I have been also put under restrictions. I am allowed to write and so I am. I am allowed to use my gym as it’s good stress relief. And besides that, he has suggested gardening, reading, cooking, and doing Tia-chi. Ok, I will work on those.
Now here is the Doctor’s order he should have written, listen now and you will find out who are your co-workers and who are your friends.
When you work with women as I do, there is something all women should learn. One) they talk. Two) you never know who is standing on the other side of the door or hall when you are talking and Three) you never know who is friends with who.
Twenty-four hours after leaving work, my phone has not stopped. My email is going off and my texts are flooding in. Most of those calls are well wishes and can we do anything for you. So I am feeling the love.
Unfortunately… I am also seeing the other side. The crazy rumors that people come up. Those are just funny. And then the disappointment in finding out the ones who you thought had your back and supported you, you know those ones you have always supported and had their back, are not who they turned out to be.
So at almost fifty-eight, I have learned two lessons. One from the Doctor. The one that matters the most. It could have been a heart attack. I am not as young or in as good of health as I use to be and I need to slow down. And I will heed his advice and follow his direction. After all, it is my doctors who have kept me going every time something was wrong and have made me be able to keep my life to almost normal.
The second one is something I should have already known but always wear my heart on my sleeve, not everybody is who they seem to be. What a shame how fast someone can destroy a relationship in one minute by opening their mouth.
On the positive side of things, I have learned how cared for I am by many I didn’t even realize.
This time, I don’t feel the need to quit my job and move on. I have a lot more support at work, more than I knew. But I will be making changes as my wedding, the Love Shack, and the friends I share my life with are not stressors, they are the joy in my life.
My job is the stressor and that is where I will be making my changes. I will be following the Doctors advice. These doctors who I have all their cell numbers, who have been caring for me for many years will be deciding what they want me to do and what they don’t. They will be directing what amount of work I should be doing and how often. I have trusted them to keep me alive and well, I will trust them on this too.
On the other positive side, it looks like I will finally have the time needed to write my blog and maybe, just maybe, get those last few chapters edited on “Only with Him”.
There is a positive side to everything and sometimes even what seems negative turns out to be a positive, even if that positive is just truth. Or the time to sit and look at things. We learn so much in our own silence.