2018 A Year in Review

Posted on by buildingtheloveshack

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Normally I write the year in review about the cottage. This year I thought I would do a year in review on a personal perspective.

This was the year I earned to say No.

A while back I had a conversation with a hairdresser I have known for many years. She was celebrating her 50th Wedding Anniversary and I asked her.  50 years is a long time. How did you make it work?

She laughed and gave me her words of wisdom. She said some years were good. Some years were bad. Some years I spoke up and some years, I let things go. And then came the year I learned to say No.

I asked her what happened when she learned to say No?

She said. Someday were hard and some days were better and some ended up with someone mad at her or not speaking to her.

As time passed those who were mad at her made up with her or stayed out of her life. But the ones who apologized and accepted her no,  were the ones worth keeping.

This year I hit the No stage in my life.

Work was the first thing I learned to say no to. No, I do not want to work the shift or switch shifts. My status as the go-to girl dropped a bit, but I still say yes to the shifts I want to work and we are ok and back on track.

My next step was hitting the fair-weather friend department. You know those people who always stir the pot. They are the ones who you know don’t say a kind word about other people and you also know they don’t say a kind word about you when you are not around.

Well, I finally took 5 minutes of courage and spoke up.  I might add that didn’t go over well and ended in saying goodbye to a few old friends. I would like to tell you that caused me sadness, but in actuality, it brought me relief. It was a game I no longer had to play.

This Christmas I did the hardest one to say No to, The family.  That one didn’t go over well.

I know now what it is like to have a family feud at Christmas time. I will say that the family Christmas Dinner got canceled. Some things were said that will have a hard time being forgiven and at this time the presents are still under the tree.

Sounds like an awful Christmas, but really it’s not that awful. It is a beginning to something better or an end to somethings that were not right or fair.

When I got my 5 minutes of courage, I did it for all the right reasons.  And I am hoping that the persons who are in disagreement will one day, get their 5 minutes of courage to start to make things right.

Saying no has always been hard for me. But because I didn’t, I was taken advantage of and walked over for many years. Sadly by the ones you care the most about.

Learning the 5 minutes of courage gave me the courage to speak up. It allowed me to say No.

It also sorted out the good guys from the bad guys and made work a more enjoyable place to be.

It shortened the friend list to the true one and it shocked the family.

The person it shocked the most was me.

Take the five minutes of courage and say no. It doesn’t go over well when you do it at first, but you will feel better in the end.

Together husband and I made our New Years Resolution.

It’s a very simple one… NO.

21 thoughts on “2018 A Year in Review”

  4. Bravo for taking a stand. I, too, had to learn to say no about 3 years ago…I was also the “go-to gal” at work, had to sort out those fair weather friends who took advantage of my normally easygoing & non-confrontational nature, and my occasionally overbearing siblings as well. It wasn’t easy, but as time went on, those who could handle the “new me” accepted it…and if they couldn’t, they walked away…and I believe that means they weren’t really my friends in the first place. Family is an ongoing challenge, but eventually, they will come around. I applaud your courage to finally voice what your inner self has struggled with over the years…congratulations on mastering the art of saying “No” and embracing your own well-being! Happy New Year!

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  5. Excellent post. We have to protect ourselves. We have to stop saying yes only to please others. It’s called self care and it is necessary for living your own life on your terms. Bravo to you for standing your ground. Once the dust settles peace will be restored. Every now and again we have to place boundaries.

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  8. Wow, I love that big No just slapping like the exclamation it should be taken seriously for. Love the reminder in this post.

    I said no to the family this Christmas too. It’s my first holidays alone. And I’m happy to have followed my instinct, I got to unwind and set goals and have a lot of tea and do a lot of cleaning. So I feel the feels, and it’s a good cause to conquer.

    Sending sparkles for 2019! xx

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    1. Saying No is the hardest thing to do to the family. When I did it, my one child was concerned about his friends knowing what had happened. Well, I hadn’t really thought about it but once I knew he was concerned I thought well if that’s what wakes you up why not. So I did what I hate people do put things on their facebook… I was shocked at how many people told us stories that have been going on for up to 30 years of bad behaviors at Christmas and that they have put up with for all this time.

      I might also add we got invites from friends across both the USA and Canada to please come to spend the holidays with them. It was very touching.

      I don’t know what happened and when things went so wrong that unkindness and having to say No became a part of Christmas. I know how I was raised and so were my children. Our doors and hearts have always been open to many and any. I hope that No opens eyes.

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      1. Makes it all the more a brave tiny thing to do… thanks for this. I have my own struggles about saying no about the simplest of things. Mostly it’s because I lack in words to tell people how I really feel about things. What a bizarre circle we sometimes get entangled with. People being stuck in a cycle of “being nice” when it’s already really doing unpleasant things to one’s well being. It’s really the healthy idea to keep in check with what we invite and welcome in life, holidays or not! Thanks again for writing about it.

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  9. It’s amazing you’ve found the courage for this, and I truly commend you on it. No is not easy for me to say either. I despise confrontation, so I always set my happiness aside to be what others want me to be. Even when I have a right to say no, I’m not allowed, partly due to continual pressure and words that strike like cunningly flung boulders and partly because I know that if I say no, mine will be the life made miserable for my rejection.

    It’s warming to read this, because it means no can open so many doors for some people and let light into those repressed parts of yourself. I’m happy for you, and I hope you keep growing.

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    1. Thank you. I felt the same way you did for a very long time and then one day I said if I don’t stop this it will never end. And so, I said no. I found it was easier to deal with the rejection then it was to deal with the nonsense.

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