The Mind Set of Relationships Over Age 50

Posted on by buildingtheloveshack

I have a secret to share. I’m an introvert hiding behind the facade of an extrovert. All that chatty, friendly, smiling person you see, is what you need to see, not me. It’s my job to be friendly, chatty and approachable. I’m a Nurse.

Now if you know me personally, I’m that way because I chose to be with you, but when I’m away from work and at home alone, I may not speak to anyone for days.

You would also be surprised to know, that if I’m home alone, my neighbors tell me if I didn’t have a car in the driveway, they would never know I’m there. There is no radio or TV on. I’m writing, working in the garden, doing some craft thing or on-line taking many of the course I take.

The interesting thing is, as I get older, I become even less interactive. And the more I enjoy my own company. Yes, that means being alone.

So this thought made me wonder, am I alone on this or is this part of the aging thing?

Being an educated person, if I have a question, I search for the answer. Guess what I learned. It’s not just me. It’s the as we get older thing.

I spoke to many people my age and older, and here’s what we came up with.

As you age relationships and their significant change. Yes, that is just how it sounds. You become more important to some people and less important to others.

Sounds kind of harsh but, life change, people change and needs change. If you don’t change with the other person needs, you may be left behind. That also sounds kind of cold.

So what changes I asked?

As we age, popularity becomes less import. Time gets needed for many things. Our tolerance for nonsense leaves quickly, and been down that road and don’t care to travel it again occurs. That’s the first sign of being a grown up. And so out the door goes that first group of people.

I personally said to someone not long ago that I was less forgiving as I age. I would like to now retract that statement.  It’s not forgiveness that I lack, its lack of maturity that I have no patience for. At some point in a person life, they have to realize that they are a grown up and a mistake happens once, choices happen when you repeat the behavior multiple times.

The actions people dislike the most and like to blame on mistakes, so the survey says are: talking behind your friends back, broken promises, cancellations that could be avoided, which de-priorities you in someone’s life. Poor ways of addressing someone. I especially like the ones who think they can yell at you.

Then there is not returning phone calls or texts. Coming around only when you need something or if you have a problem. Those people who come around when they are single, but as soon have someone is in their lives, disappears and then they get single again, come back around again.

My ultimate favorite type of people are the one who changes their story every time you talk to them. You have no idea what to believe, but them is not what you believe. And the winner is the people who try to involve you in their craziness. You know those people.

I am also happy to say that, I learned from other people, that I am not alone on other things too.

As we get older, they don’t say it, but we have been keeping track. All these years with friends of long and short, your actions have decided your relevance in their lives.

The funny part of what I have learned is we also become to polite or not polite at all.

We are too polite to remove someone from Facebook. That would be considered childish behavior. But not to polite to tell you, that you are done with them and hang up the phone.

The interesting part of what I learned is that most people won’t talk to a person when something upset them, again to polite. Nor will they just cancel a plan and say I don’t want to go, but will instead make up an excuse that the other person knows is an excuse.

As we age, we no longer what to play the old High School Games. We play a new one, it’s called the action speak louder than words game. The only thing about that game is, you have been playing sence the day you first came into a person’s life.

If the person has not said anything, doesn’t mean they don’t know. They have chosen to forgive you for those things you did. Until they don’t anymore.

And that the best part of getting older and changing relationships, you know longer feel like you have to explain to anyone what you think or feel.

And that is how relationships and their significant change. It is how you become more important to some people and less important to others.

It’s harsh but life changes, people change and needs change. It is also kind of freeing to not have some people in your life. It leaves much more time for spending time with those who help you chases rainbows.

I think I’m looking forward to the late seventies when things change again and you lose polite, because you aren’t going to be around that much longer, so you don’t waste your time with words.

I haven’t decided if I want to be that cute little old lady who everyone loves or the one who is not so cute, but everyone knows not to mess with. Again that might depend on your actions… Hmmmm.

Thanks to the over 50 Group who took part in my little survey. I’m happy to know that I am not alone in my thoughts. Yes, this is the over 50 Group and how many of us see relationships.

It’s also good to know I am not antisocial, just an introvert hiding behind the facade of an extrovert.

 

 

 

 

26 thoughts on “The Mind Set of Relationships Over Age 50”

  1. Nice post, I might add then when we get older, your family has a tendency of forgetting you. Is very normal to see young people dismissing an older person instead of appreciate their wisdom. It is what it is but, I am 63 ears old and happy!

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    1. I agree. I think they get busy trying to make thier own lives and we kind of get pushed back a liitle. My kids will kill me for this one if they see it… But this last year, I will be 56 and they are now worring about my retirment plans. I think its cute… but i am not that odl yet that I need them to make my decsions.

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  2. I found this a very interesting post, especially in lieu of the fact that I have no family, and work from home (and have done so for about eight years now). I have not even seen my boss face-to-face since 2012. He scans in items for me to type or revise, and sometimes mails or drops off tapes to transcribe in my mailbox. I am a legal secretary. I sit here at the kitchen table (my office) and all my friends are in other states, and so we communicate by e-mail or some other form of social media. I don’t consider myself an introvert in the least, but more and more, I am pulling away from society. What I see sometimes disgusts me – but then again, how people treat one another on social media (in the comments section of news articles or in a groups in Facebook) also disgusts me. At 62 years old, I am more than contents to just stay in my corner of the world. I grit my teeth because my boss is nine years older than me and talks of retirement in the next year or so … I do not know if I can go to a regular job again. We left our law firm on February 1, 2003 to start our own firm (the two of us) so working in a regular work environment after all these years would be a big adjustment. To many, as I wander along the walking trail, feeding the squirrels and interacting with the birds, as the gears in my brain are churning out that day’s blog post, I am probably perceived as a bit eccentric, but I am happy not to be part of the maddening crowd. 🙂

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    1. Its funny these thoughts came to me when I was up at 7 am yesterday morning spending time alone walking on the beach and enjoying the sounds of the birds and no human contact. I came home and made up this little survey and sent it to many people I know. The result was the blog today. I don’t think we are alone. The general opinions I received was as we age we want to spend less time with people.

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      1. I agree with you, plus I really think that the state of the world this day, makes you feel like you just want to get away from it all. I really like my time alone, and to be truthful, just like you enjoyed your walk yesterday morning, when I go to the Park every morning, I like the peace and quiet and the birds singing, woodpecker drilling away. That is my quiet time and I enjoy it. If rain spoils a walk, like it has often done this month, going in the evening during the workweek, or later in the day on weekends, is just not the same experience. There are too many people and the critters stay in their nests, so I feel a little cheated then. I even find the older I get, or maybe it is because I enjoy the peace and quiet in the house, that I can’t tolerate noise like I once did. I’m now more inclined to listen to the news on the radio, rather than music. And, I cancelled my cable a long time ago, so I don’t have TV. If I want to see a news story, I catch it online. Interesting that your survey ended up most people prefer time away from others.

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      2. The two things in the survey that stood out to me was the first being people perferred to be alone and the second was they got sick of bad manors and bad behaviors. I guess I sound old when I say this, but bad behaviors are everywhere now and I can definitely relate to not choosing to have anyone in my life that behaves badly.

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      3. I’m really old fashioned as well. I grew up with strict parents, who were 30 years old when they had me, and since I had no siblings, there was no “wiggle room” … I just knew to toe the line. The bad manners today really get to me and it seems to be getting worse, between what I hear and then what I see on social media, leaves me shaking my head.

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      6. It is the way we were raised … I was raised in Canada and moved here to the States when I was 10. My parents were sticklers for manners from the time I was a toddler … as a little girl, I remember they said I had to curtsy when I met someone … I sure couldn’t do that now, I’d likely end up on a pile on the floor. 🙂

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  3. I definitely see that happening in my own life. I don’t have the patience for petty stuff any more, nor do I care. I have ZERO tolerance for people and the bad decisions they make. They were they ones who made those bad decisions; they are the ones that need to deal with the consequences; not me. Not my problem, or as I have heard from others, “not my circus”. We old fogies need to stick together. 🙂

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  6. All true. I’m considering taking a bipolar stance after 70. I’d love to wear my bra OVER my blouse in public but Ialso wann be the grandma shelling peas on the porch when the grandkids come calling. They won’t know what to expect! 😛

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  9. Very interesting perspective, and so true on so many levels! As I age I find that I have less and less in common with many people my age, and they simply can’t relate to all the things I do, or they’re even a little jealous? I gave myself permission years ago to pursue what brings me joy, and right now that’s writing and creating art, sometimes simultaneously! LOL!

    Thanks so much for coming to my site and for the follow!

    Peace, Tamara
    http://tamarakulish.com

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