Building The Love Shack

They say to be successful at a change, two things help. One is to write it down and the second is to tell someone.

So instead of waiting till New Years Eve to make a Resolution, I decided to give myself an early Christmas Present,  I am calling  it a Christmas Resolution. So bloggers, I am doing both of those, writing it down and telling someone. You are my witnesses to change.

How does one come to the decision that they need to make change? Usually something happens to bring their attention to it. In my case, it was something someone said to me during a disagreement.

I don’t have many disagreements, because, well, after much research, talking with friends and family who know me well and looking back, I discovered that I am the opposite of what my friend said to me in a disagreement.

Angrily she said, “everything is about you”, as it turns out, I suffer from a much worse problem than that. I am a People Pleaser.

Then I discovered that, I also do a lot of things that I don’t like to do.

You ask, why I do it then? That was something I had to figured out, and came up with the answer.  Because it makes someone else happy, or I think I should do it.

Do you find yourself in this position? It seems, as I found out with research, that I am far from being alone about this.

Do you find yourself not being happy at times? If you are, this could be part of the problem.

 

Once I had this new information,  I had to look at what was making me unhappy, and who I was trying to please. That answer came easy, everyone, expect myself.

So, out came the list.

First my job.

I promised myself a few years back that I would slow down. I would never take a full-time job or any job with management again.

Being the Do-Be Good Doer, I let myself take a temporary position.  A full-time position for a few months. After only a few weeks, I discovered, I hate it.

I am not just unhappy, I am working myself to death. I am earning nothing extra, running my butt off, and gaining nothing but aggravation for it, and getting sick.

This brainless decision, has resulted in me not only getting sick. I come home sore and achy every night. I have no energy, and am gaining weight because I have no time or energy to work out.

If that’s not bad enough, my writing is getting neglected, and when I am off I have no energy to have fun.

These are all the reason, I swore I would never take a full-time position or a management position again.  So, how did I make this brainless decision?

I felt like I should.

I will be out of this in a few weeks, and I have made husband promise to make me say no, not ever again.

Then I started looking at other things in my life. Ut-Oh, the list didn’t just include work, it was starting to fill many places in my life.

I have a membership to the gym. I don’t need a membership to the gym. I have one of my own, in my house, that husband built me. But, I thought, maybe I should start swimming. And so, I got this membership. I go there, only for the pool.

The truth is, I like to swim, in the ocean, when the sun is out. I don’t like going to the gym, where the water is cold and I have to wait for people to finish swimming their laps, because they simply can’t do that in a straight line and swim into you. Or worse, splashing water in your face when they are doing something that it supposed to be swimming, but resembles something much different.

Tomorrow, I am canceling that membership, and will stick to using my own gym, when this temporary job is finally over, and I have energy again.

The next thing on the list is to stop going places and doing things that I really don’t want to do or even like to do. Back to that People Pleaser.

I have been organizing events and going to places, and I don’t even enjoy them. Yes, I don’t know how to say no, People Pleaser.

As of this day, I am going to stop that and take that precious time and do what I like to do, like finish editing Only with Him. You see, I like to write, but that seems to be getting pushed to the back burner, repeatedly, because I am too busy doing things I really don’t like to do.

Then the big one came, ready. I cook and eat food, I don’t even like. Yes, I have been doing it for years. Why? Because it’s good for me, or when I am at a restaurant or someone home, I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Today, I had a major break through and sent back the soup I ordered in a restaurant. It was terrible and looked like crap. On the way home from the restaurant, I  bought  chocolate.

Not only did I buy the chocolate, I am sitting here while I am writing, eating the chocolate.

That’s right fellow bloggers, I am writing and eating the chocolate. Two things that I enjoy.

So that is my resolution. From this point on, I will say no, to work, and friends and family.

I will start doing the things I like and that includes, eating the chocolate.

My dear friend was very wrong and did apologize for the statement.

The next time someone make the statement to me, “it’s all about you”,  I am hoping that they are right. I am hoping that I will stop being a People Pleaser.

I am fifty-five. It really is time for it to be all about me.  I also think, I am long over do for my Mid-life Crises.

I think this may turn out to quiet interesting, and I am looking forward to my selfish, Mid-life Crises.

Merry Christmas to Me.

 

PS: The chocolate is lovely. I added a glass of wine.